Monday, September 1, 2008

When the wind gets up....

When I moved to the coast close to thirty years ago, I had never experienced a hurricane. I have nine under my belt now, that would be nine direct hits, not not near hits or close misses.
The map of where I live, yes all those are storm tracks.

Needless to say, there have been some interesting quotes from people waiting for those storms.

The redneck from New Jersey-"I hope it hits here, I want to get out in the wind and feel what a hundred miles an hour is like!" This while striking a heroic (or in this case stupid) pose with his fists clenched and chest pushed out.

My reply, "Hey hero, what you gonna' do when you're out in the wind and see a stop sign coming edge on at a hundred miles an hour? Or maybe a pine cone off those Long leaf pines?"

His reply, ????blank stare???

The guys in the back room at work- "Hey, look at the window, it's bulging inward when the wind picks up!"

My reply, "Shit, see ya! I'm getting inside the shield wall!"

The Sheriffs deputy in charge of the shelter- "See that guy, (points at me) he knows what's going on, put him too work!"

Me- "Damn it!"

Me- "Boss, I need to go check my house, my wife has passed out from shock and fear in the service building."

Boss- "You can't leave!"

My reply- "This isn't a bleeding jail, hide and watch me bud!" He turned several shades of white and got me permission. I drove home and back, in a seventy mile an hour cross winds in a Subaru Brat, all was well. Except for the pinch marks in the seat and steering wheel.

Me cutting one of my trees off the neighbors house in the middle of the storm.
TLOML stomping and spitting like a wet cat, while screaming at me to get off the top of the neighbors house. The words and gestures exceed my ability to describe, but I was more afraid of her than the storm.

My neighbor Bill from New Jersey, "How much will you charge me to cut up this tree?"
Me- "Nothing"
Bill- "What do you mean, nothing"
Me- "We're neighbors, I'll do it for nothing."
Bill- "Whats your favorite poison?"
Me- "Excuse me?"
Bill- "Liquor"
Me- "JD Black label"
Bill brought me a gallon.
After that when any of my non chain saw owning friends asked me to work up a blow down, I always told them "I work for Booze", I don't remember much after that.

After several hours of work with one of my big chain saws the neighbor I'm helping asks, "Do you guy's want a beer?"
Me -"Yes, please!"
As the three of us are standing in the rain drinking our beers, "Uh, guy's do you realise how stupid we look standing here in the rain?"
Neighbors- "Yeah, maybe we should come in out of the rain."

All my prayers to those on the Gulf Coast, God knows I hope all you have to remember is the stupid quotes

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