Now I know why it's called "Black Friday"

I decided that I would be brave and accompany The Love Of My Life to do the Christmas Shopping for the grand babies. That would be on the biggest shopping day of the year.

Up at three forty five, at the mall at four o'clock, thoroughly pissed off by four fifteen. The women in the "zone", do not compare well with hogs at the trough, with regard to size or manners.

I and my daughter were walking down an aisle when, out of a side aisle comes a gray hired road block, about two zip codes across the butt, who stops and bends over, (tempting target) blocking the aisle. I started the pattern for the day, by apologising loudly for being on her planet.

Some what later another svelte (for an Orangutan) little lady, breaches over like a break action shotgun, and pulls her cart up behind her and blocks the path of about fifty people. I think that one needed an overweight permit and a wide load banner on her car.

We did indeed brave Wally Mart, after the stampede (no one died) and picked up a few things. We paid for the lot and went to the exit, just in time to hear a self righteous ass proclaim to the door grannie, "You can inventory my cart if you must, but it will be a manager who does it."
The elderly ladies promptly lost concentration and "had to DO something", whereupon she took off with my receipt (???) to get help!

Oh! Damn!

Now this is apparently the horses ass's pet peeve, someone looking in his cart to make sure he isn't stealing, like anyone knows or cares who the idiot is.

It's a policy at all their stores, it reduces theft, no one is being singled out, get over your self!

Now the twit has his cart across the door way, and the battle axe has my receipt! He wont leave and I can't!

Then mouthy twit boy starts to step back, and the TLOML is on the verge of climbing his back like a window shade, to save him from screaming like a third grade girl, I reached over her head and pushed the dude and told him "Don't step on my wife!" He said sorry and moved a half step away.

Smarter than he looks.

The Assistant manager shows up, checks his stuff, because the wind bag "gives his permission", the battle axe, throws us our receipt, now we all leave.

All is well, then the wind bag tries to justify himself to me!

Bad Idea!

The meat head is as big as I am but nowhere near as pissed off. I told him to "shut up and go home no one gives a crap about his reasons!"

I wish you could have seen the look on his face.

The next debacle came when we took the grand babies to the "Shopping Towne" for the lighting of the Christmas Tree, and Sandy Claus arrival. Just us, and about two thousand people I've never seen in my life. You could listen and hear the IQ points drain away like the sand in an hour glass. No one barricaded the streets or side walks, the rent a cops looked and acted like they were hired that day (probably true), and the cute little PR girl couldn't spell "clue" with spell check.

Disaster by the numbers.

When the band marching ahead of the Jolly Old Elf's Land Rover was heard, the entire mob surged into the street. I ask you, how the heck is he supposed to get to the tree when the mob is in the way? Four wheel drive comes to mind, but thats just me. We'll over look the fact that the rent a cops couldn't let the chain down, so the band and sponsors mascots had to step over the chain.

At this time I issued instructions for the second time that day.

Some self appointed Hawt Dude starts hitting on Ms. Claus, who is driving the Land Rover. He is yelling loud enough to make himself heard through the closed window.

Right beside my ear.

I turned to him, looked him in the eye and told him very calmly, "Don't yell in my ear again."

Saw the whites of his eyes, I did. Didn't hear a peep afterward. Learns quick, he does.

The end of my evening was spent on deposit guard for my sons store, they did 15K at the Game Stop, and there have been muggings in the area.

By this point I was ready to pistol whip a mugger for stress relief.

Black Friday indeed!

Next year it's full dress SWAT, I wounde how that will go over?