Sunday, December 14, 2008

There are times when you just know to STFU....

When The Love of My Life and I started dating the first of those things we found that we really enjoyed, that can be done in public, was road trips. We visited San Francisco, later we went out west and camped. While we were there we hiked and generally did and saw some wonderful things. During my first marriage I had done a couple of driving trips all around the west and mid west, and thought it would be cool to share the experience with a couple of the more adventurous kids.

The planning was done and off we went. I had a four wheel drive Suburban to provide room for four and,,,,,stuff. We camped hither and yon for roughly two weeks. From the Badlands to Vegas and Tombstone, we went where ever the urge took us and stayed the night.

One of the many places I wanted to go was Devils Tower. This Native American sacred sight is known as the Home of the Bad God. It's as impressive as any natural structure I have seen. It is in a rather remote area. Oh, well actually, go to the end of the world and turn left, drive until you see the sign.

We had camped at Badlands National Park, and driven a long day to get to the approximate time zone. I don't know how long the ride was, but every one was napping, including, occasionally, the driver. The Love of My Life was driving, at the posted speed limit of 55mph.

Remember that number.

I woke up long enough to wonder where the hell we were. I was in the navigators seat and snagged the map, started looking for road signs, and trying to get information from TLOML.

The road was long straight and apparently endless, then I saw a sign, and almost immediately a town. When I looked up from the map again, I saw the highway sign that indicated our turn.

Then I really screwed up bad. I said "You need to turn here", and she did.

At 55 miles an hour, TLOML took both her little hands on the wheel, and yanked that land yacht into a right turn.

It must have looked like a cartoon. Dust flying, tires bellowing, passengers pasted to the window on the down hill side. I knew we were going over. If I hadn't been wearing my seat belt I probably would have flown out the drivers window.

Jesus in all his mercy, must have reached down and held that truck in the road.

That must have been what woke up Officer Peterson.

He was a young man performing his duty, apprehending a wild eyed, breaker of the law. He fired up the cruiser and in short order blue lighted TLOML and allowed her a short bleep of siren.

About that time I made another life changing mistake, my second of the day. As the good officer reached the window, I was about to try to help, I said "Now baby," that's as far as I got.

TLOML turned to me, I swear lightning came out of her eyes, ears and butt all at once. She told me, "don't you BABY ME!!!" everyone for miles knew that I would not baby her anytime soon, on pain of a fate worse than death.

From that point on I was peeping out of the crack at the bottom of the seat. Officer Peterson stepped back for a second, and then did a lot of talking from behind his hand.

I think he strangled occasionally.

As soon as he determined that I was an idiot (not too difficult) he gave us directions and sent me off to my fate.

I wonder why he was wiping his eyes while walking to his car, must have been the dust.

1 comment:

Murphy said...


It's 'fun' driving with the better half, huh...