Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dog Stories...

I hate to copycat posts, therefore I seldom indulge in"that reminds me of" stuff. This one is just too good to pass up, my apologies to Phlegmfatale.

My sister, as recorded elsewhere, generally keeps more pets than the zoo. Cats, dogs, rats, bats, gnus, pigs, birds, 'possums, snakes, if it can be restrained to her locale and fed, good enough.

Her favorites seem to be dogs of one size or another. Larger rather than smaller. Two of her rather more memorable were Dobermans.

Dobermans in my opinion are some of the sweeter working dogs, they just seem to look at you and say "love me".

Not this lot.

They were OK when she was home, and they knew you, and it was day time. Otherwise caution paid dividends. Those dogs knew me from the time they were weaned, and wouldn't let me on the steps if she was gone. After dark I carried a gun and watched the shadows. The black dog, Somdi, charmingly named after the Voodoo Lord of the Underworld, had no markings. If he came after you in the dark, he was invisible until all you could see a wholesale lot of white teeth.

The big dog was the mother, chocolate, also with no markings, a not too petite 135lbs. I weighed her myself.

The sister and her family lived about 100 feet from the Interstate fence, in a rural wooded area. Theirs was the only house light for quite some distance. When some of the local drunks ran out of gas at her back door, they naturally assumed that the nice lady would let them use her phone.

Wrong on all counts.

My sister is not a nice lady, and if she had a phone, she would be more likely to beat you with the hand set, and strangle you with the cord. Not that was necessarily the wrong thing to do in this case.

The dogs probably saved the idiot in question a lot of pain, even though that wasn't immediately apparent. Sis has already shot two men by this time, I haven't heard about anything lately.The big dog took loud and furious exception to the man trying to climb across the fence. My sister stuck her head out the door to tell the dog to shut up, and saw the incipient chewtoy with one leg over the fence.

She immediately informed him, you are trespassing, the dog will bite, I am only required by law to warn you one time. Imagine her knowing that about the law.

Chewtoys reply? $itch, I'm 'gonna use your 'phone. His smarter friends were muttering things like, watch the dog, Man, that dog 'gonna bite!

The dog is, by now in a foaming at the mouth frenzy. She is shoulders down, feet spread, ears back, snapping her jaws like a bear trap. All in all not very cuddly. The sister said to her self "that dog is never going to get off the ground".

She told Chewtoy that she didn't have a phone, he replied the she was a blankity blank lieing $bitch and he WAS going to use it!

Ok! Hope that works for you!

Chewtoy proceeded to cross the fence, the dobie launched like an anti-idiot missile, and impacted somewhere around the ass cheeks. Chewtoy lunges back the way he came leaving his pants behind.

There went his tough guy image!

The dog continued the destruction of laundry for some time. Sis closed the door and went to bed. Some time later the brother-in law comes home and starts saying he's going to have to beat the dog (not something I would undertake) for getting clothes off the line. The sister tells him to forget it, it isn't his pants.

Picture a confused face.

Now, I'm just wondering if 'ole Chewtoy was going commando?

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