Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Conservative ticket

Write me in for President, here is my platform
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Walmart' policy 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't getting nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences, if convicted you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on any one's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

Over at the Moral Compass ( ) His platform for running for President.

Too bad he's not a real candidate


Hammer said...

If only we could elect someone with those kind of stones.

Sevesteen said...

1. No press 1 in government, but private citizens and business get to do what they want here without government interference.

Would Americans who only speak English be allowed to go to non-English speaking countries?

2. The shock of doing that quickly would cripple our economy.

3. Free trade helps everyone. Make sure it is free--If someone else adds taxes and restrictions to stuff we sell, we do the same to them.

4. People who served honorably for most of their life will be drafted?


6. If we are going to have welfare, people should be doing something useful--Picking up garbage, or manning a border tower. If you've got money from drugs, cigarettes or alcohol you don't need any more of my money.

7. The government should not do anything with pro athletics. That means teams build their own stadiums, pay their own taxes,

8. It needs to be possible to live a lawful life--I don't think it is possible now. Real crimes with real victims should be really punished.

9. Nobody will buy.

10. Foreign aid should be done cynically, and only when it directly benefits America.

11. Not in schools. Requiring a forced pledge under duress weakens the idea of honor. It isn't duress for Congress, that's their job.

12. What sporting events, and why? Kids soccer games? Pick-up games?

I don't see this platform as conservative, I see it as fascist--More government control, less freedom. A government powerful enough to do these things you want will be powerful enough to do a bunch you don't want. We need less government, period.

DW said...

Sorry I forgot to put up some kind of joke flag. I thought it was obvious.

Sevesteen said...

That's a relief. I've seen dumber things proposed seriously.