Friday, February 9, 2007

Red Neck Menagerie

In another story I mentioned that my sister would adopt anything for a pet, especially if it would irritate someone. Keep in mind that this girl wouldn’t work in a pie factory, as a pie taster. She is stone cold lazy. Even though she is president of the welfare and perpetually broke club, there will be livestock. She will have several dogs, cats, rodents, birds, chicken, goats, well you get the picture.

A person who has this many critters, not to be confused with her five separate husbands, must have acreage. Have you dealt with a bank lately? Shylock himself would be no more methodical about wringing payment from the penniless carcass of his debtor. She is the only person I have ever heard of, whom the bank GAVE a house and land. That would be, free, gratis, take it and leave us alone.

Drop me in the pot and call me Stew.

If I am lying may I be struck stone cold sober.
She must have pictures of someone.

Anyway she now lives in a house paid for by disability checks, and keeps her goats in a house given to her by the bank. The remaining live stock is penned in the yard, or so I hear, I don’t go around her.

She has always been a big one for teaching her pets tricks, or teaching dogs to mind. I once saw her threaten a pair of one hundred thirty five pound Dobermans with a piece of pine straw. Those dogs didn’t lay, down, they fell over and wouldn’t move anything. Nothing but nose wiggling and eyes rolling to see who was going to get whacked first. Its too bad her kids never minded that well. She would teach the dogs to smile (unnerving that), and teach the Parrot to talk, or imitate sounds. Probably the only feathered phone in the county.

In the summer she would put the Parrot and Ferret, in their cages out on the porch for fresh air. The neighbors had a more normal bunch of pets, a dog or two and a barn cat.

The kitty was not wise in the way of exotic pets, yet. He decides the big bird sitting so close to the ground deserved a little closer investigation. If I know barn cats he was a little hungry. The coast was clear so he wanders over to have a peep. He over looked the Ferret in the other cage, just a smelly rat, right? He hopped up on the porch rail and starts to stroll down to the big bird. Bird notices, moves around to where he can cock an eye toward thing the unsuspecting kitty. Kitty gets a little too close, the bird starts to bark like a dog, which disturbs the Ferret, which stands up and hisses like a snake. Kitty thinks he has lost his mind.

I bet he’s still hiding under a bush.

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