Things to think about

Pray for mercy, not justice.

When a magician does a trick, he or she will get you to watch something else, when people talk about you, the misdirection is to keep anyone from looking at them.

An old man dating a young girl is like a dog driving the car he caught, he might get it moving, but it's going to be a short ride and a bad wreck.

If there 's no fool like an old fool, maybe we shouldn't practice so much.

If you have trouble laughing at yourself, don't worry, other folks will take care of that for you.

Shoulder to the wheel, back to the wall, nose to the grindstone, getting a leg up, pulling your self up by the bootstraps, no wonder nothing is getting done. Look at the position you're in.

Immovable object? Irresistible force? No such thing to a teenager behind the wheel of a car.

With the exception of death, everything is recoverable.

The complete list of what "everyone knows" takes a lot of paper, the corrected list of what they actually know, doesn't.

I find the worst part of most jobs is finding the motivation to start.

Murphy (of Murphy's Law fame) lives, but just till I find him.

The just man doubts himself, the coward doubts everyone, the fool doubts nothing.

An accident is bad enough, but it really hurts when you have time to think about it before impact.

Finding out who your real friends are can be very disappointing.

If you feel like you have too many friends, start borrowing money, that should take care of the problem.

If you think you are a good listener, mention it to your spouse, they'll take care of that misconception for you.

Reality is what happens when you act on wishful thinking.

If you over hear someone mumbling about controlling their breathing, relaxing, squeezing slowly, they're either having a baby or arranging your last surprise.

If you want to know who really has your back, call them up and ask them to bail you out of jail, or hide a body.

Beer goggles don't help anyone see more clearly.

You can drink 'til she's cute, you can't drink until you're smart.

If your first thought is an assumption, your last will likely be an error.

With aircraft, automobiles, and love affairs, the takeoff is important... but at the end, you don't want to crash any of them.

Do you live today like you will face God tomorrow? Why not?

You can do anything for twenty minuets on adrenaline alone, then sit down before you shake apart.

Most heroes are just too busy to be scared.

Bravery is what happens when you know what the consequences are, but you have to do it anyway.

If you think you are the center of the universe, you need to have a teen age girl correct that perspective.

God made all men, and then put the women in charge. Argue and suffer.

Think you're so important? See what your cat thinks.

People were a lot more polite when rudeness was addressed on the spot, now most people want to get in the court room.

It takes a village to raise a child, and that's just to rat the little bums out to their parents.

Any parent stupid enough to say "my baby wouldn't do that" needs to spend Saturday night in the trunk of the kids car.

Loyalty has a price, that price would be loyalty. How you pay it determines if you build it or destroy it. Leaders go first.

All the above are originial to the best of my knowledge, please don't use with out giving credit.